Exodus 20:12 – “Honor your father and your mother…”
A Story Beneath the Surface
A teenager once said, “I love my parents—I just can’t stand them.” It was said half-joking, but it rang true for more than just teens. Sometimes we say the right words, go through the motions, make the calls, buy the cards… but our hearts remain distant, cold, even resentful. We may obey with our lips, but our hearts can be far from honoring.
Jesus once quoted Isaiah saying,
“This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.” (Mark 7:6)
If that’s true of our worship to God, it can just as easily be true of our posture toward our parents.
The Heart Matters Most
The fifth commandment is not merely about behavior—it’s about posture. Obedience that lacks love is duty, not devotion. Honor begins in the heart.
The Hebrew idea of the heart (lev) wasn’t just emotion—it was the seat of will, desire, and affection. To truly honor your parents, you must willfully choose to value them—even if they failed you.
Augustine said:
“If you honor your parents only when they are honorable, you are not honoring them but your own expectations.”
In Scripture, Joseph honored Jacob even when Jacob showed favoritism (Genesis 47:29–31). Jesus, though sinless, submitted to Mary and Joseph (Luke 2:51). That’s not just action—it’s affection.
When Honor Feels Hard
But what if your relationship with your parents is strained, painful, or broken?
- Honor doesn’t mean ignoring harm.
Honoring doesn’t mean pretending everything was right—it means refusing to return evil for evil (Romans 12:17–21). - Forgiveness is key.
Paul writes in Colossians 3:13, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Honoring an imperfect parent often begins with choosing forgiveness over bitterness. - See the image of God in them.
Calvin again: “It is a part of the image of God which shines in parents…” Even if the image is cracked, it’s still there. - Let grace do the heavy lifting.
You are not asked to honor in your own strength. God, by His Spirit, empowers us to love from the heart what we might struggle with in the flesh.
Takeaway Questions
- Do I truly value my parents in my heart—or just tolerate them?
- What unspoken resentment, disappointment, or pride might I need to surrender to God today?
- How can I ask the Holy Spirit to soften my heart and stir genuine love?
Prayer
Father, You see what others cannot—the hidden places in my heart. You know the struggle I face between honoring outwardly and loving inwardly. Cleanse my heart of bitterness, pride, and coldness. Help me to see my parents through Your eyes—to cherish them as image-bearers and as gifts, no matter how flawed. Let my honor flow from a heart that has first been captured by Your grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.